Enter Sandman (I am begging you)

I'm having trouble trying to sleep

I'm counting sheep but running out

As time ticks by, still I try

No rest for crosstops in my mind

On my own, here we go

-"Brain Stew" Green Day

So today I was thinking...and thinking...and thinking. And tonight I was thinking, and yesterday I was thinking - and last night, and the night before, and the night before.

And while thinking is a good thing (I highly recommend it; I mean especially these days, I really, really recommend it), the fact that I am thinking when I should be sleeping is becoming more than an annoyance.

My mind is set on overdrive The clock is laughing in my face A crooked spine, my senses dulled Past the point of delirium On my own, here we go

-"Brain Stew" Green Day

(warning - this song drops the "F-bomb" twice - you have been advised

https://youtu.be/IPeJ7iM55hc )

As I type this, it is 2:54 am. I am super tired. I WANT to be asleep. Though school let out three weeks ago - omg, I am getting nothing done!!! - I have not taken the traditional "Rochell is NOT getting out of bed today - do not even consider asking" day that usually transpires within the first 72 hours of summer vacation. There has just been "stuff" going on. Therefore, I have gotten out of bed early-ish for a teacher on break (around 8:00 am, or so) and, coffee made, face washed, teeth brushed, hair combed, have started my days.

The part of this situation that has become problematic is that I am rolling out of bed at this early-ish hour because I have looked at the clock at some point every new hour of the night: 1:39, 2:42, 3:15 -Amityville Horror fans? anyone? (now you have to say "Buehler?"), 4:48, 5:43, and 6:30. I look at the clock, cuss, roll around and fight with a pillow that will not bend to my will, cuss some more, get a drink, think, take notes, re-evaluate and modify notes - seriously, Google Keep using voice-to-text is fabulous for jotting down thoughts flying through your mind like a cow caught in a tornado (oh, come on! you got that? right?). I will nod off sporadically for a few moments, half-hour perhaps, but the "sleeps" never last as long as the "wakes."

When I see the clock hit somewhere in the 5:00 range, I start to curse myself - I know some of the reasons why I am awake - so now the bargaining and the re-evaluations of my nighttime choices begin. :

I will NOT drink coffee again after 9 pm. I need to drink more water anyway. OK, only water after 7 pm from now on - check. And no more binge-watching. Dang, Rochell, do you REALLY need to watch 6 more episodes of Scrubs (don't judge me - that's what I am watching and it is STILL funny!) right now? No. That can wait until some rainy afternoon. Great, no TV after 9 pm - check. Laundry isn't done? Do it tomorrow - check. Dishes are in the sink? Tomorrow - check. That homework for those 4 online classes isn't done..tomorrow? Issues with phone service...tomorrow? Help pack and paint at Mom's, read Huck Finn for summer reading, get that swamp - I mean pool - ready, prepare for trip out to Seattle, litter box, new curriculum, clean rugs, fix deck, paint MY house...????? Tomorrow???? AHHHHHHHH

"I'll think about that tomorrow." - Scarlett O'Hara

Or instead, I can think about all of those things NOW, over and over and over. Yes! Let's do that!

From everything I have heard and read, I am not alone in this. I know that it is a problem because I am up at night chatting with these same sleep-deprived people on social media! Why are we online? Go to sleep already! It seems to be an epidemic. Sleep deprivation is rampant and for all of the reasons I have noted - there is just A LOT going on. And I have the summer to do many things that most people do not! How are you people doing it? Melatonin? Warm milk (Ewwww)? Counting sheep? (Fun fact, I have discovered that I cannot visualize a sheep jumping over a fence in a pasture. I can create an image of a sheep, I can see a pasture, but getting that freaking sheep to move across the grass and jump that damned fence is something my imagination cannot do... any psychologists, neurologists, or spiritualists wanna weigh in here?) Is there a solution? Is there some way that we can address this issue, or do we just learn to deal with it as an effect of our lifestyles?

As I have been writing this, I have been making notes and a list (seriously guys, Google Keep), and I have started to develop a plan. I really AM going to stop drinking coffee after 6 pm. I can have a glass of water (yuck) or a caffeine-free soft during (NO... have some water!). I will stop watching TV at 9 pm (or maybe 10 pm. Baby steps), and I will keep my phone handy - not to get on any social media sites, but to record the things that I am obsessing over in a list. I believe that if I record them, my mind will be reassured that I am not ignoring it and that the ideas it is hurling at me at 120 mph are valid. "Why yes, Brain, I do think that is an outstanding point/idea/concern. However, as it is 3:22 am, I cannot, at this very moment, go outside and vacuum the pool, I will absolutely put it on the list of things to do tomorrow - see? right here - I am doing it, right here on the list of "super important things that my amazing Brain brought to my attention 3 hours before the sun came up..." Then when my brain is secure in the fact that it has been validated, it will relax and let me sleep. I can check off projects as I complete them and I will feel accomplished. Now, I am quite aware that there are things that will keep being pushed to the bottom of the list, and that will give me anxiety eventually - I really need to work on those online classes and read Huck Finn - but I can only deal with one issue at a time, so my tendency to procrastinate will have to wait - hahahahahahaa get it? I kill me!

It is 5:44 am. I think I will still try to get a quick nap before the sun wakes me up. No guarantees, but I now have a plan, and I think it will help. My list is mad, my water is on the table beside the bed, the TV is off, and remarkably, the pillow isn't fighting me. The list is long, and I foresee the homework staying on that list far longer than it should, but it is a plan - right? I am optimistic, and I know that after a few hours of rest, I am going to get SO much done tomorrow (today)!

"Past the point of delirium

On my own, here we go."