"Take a risk, take a chance, make a change," Hey lady stop talking and do something about it already

Man, change is hard. The unknown. The uncertain. The "What if".

Change is scary at 18 - going off to college, new place, new people, new experiences

Change is frightening in your 30s - new jobs, new homes, new family -(married? babies?)

Change is traumatizing in your 40s - empty nests, new aches, new pains, new "conditions"

In your 50s, change can be paralyzing - mortgages, kids in college... and just being 'settled.'

When do you make the jump? When do you say enough and just ...take...a... leap?

For me, it was at 53.

The past year has been - to put it mildly - different. There has been some change.

Most of you know I have two amazing children, am married to a wonderful man, have a large extended family here in my little town where I was born, came back to, and have lived since 1981. I have taught high school English at my alma mater since... (2005???)

I have friends, I have health, I laugh - I yell - I love... Life is so good.

So why was I crying every night?

"Let me explain -no, there is too much. Let me sum up." - Inigo Montoya

1. My daughter moved to Seattle, Wasington in March (so proud of her!)

2. My son left for his 2nd year of grad school - "See you at Christmas, Mom", ( and even with that, so proud of him).

3. We helped my amazing neighbor of 22 years (my mother!) fix up and sell her house.

4. We fixed up and sold MY house, and we moved into an apartment on September 15.

5. In the meantime, between the inspection and closing, we bought another house and moved AGAIN on October 1st - no kidding! Exhausting and exasperating, but so exhilarating!

Still crying.

(Oh, and bitching!!!! So Much Bitching! To my Tribe - there are not enough words in my vocabulary to apologize for the three years of constant harping, whining, negativity that you endured from me. I heard myself and hated the sound of my voice and the bile spewing from my word hole, but I could not STOP myself. Thank you for not gagging me, tying me up and taking me to the "Train Station.")

"If you wanna be somebody else, change your mind." -Sister Hazel. In my case, change your mindset.

Then came more change.

6. I was offered a new job.

I had been kind-of-sort-of looking maybe for about three years. I am not going to repeat all that is going on with teachers. You only have to open social media, turn on the news, or read a newspaper to hear about the shortages, the burnout, and the mass teacher exodus. (just go hug one - honestly - just do it!) I loved the big parts of my career - the subject, the other teachers - oh yeah - most of the students!!! It was all of the 'stuff' - the hours of non teaching BS that continued to be heaped on every year; the administrative, spreadsheet encrusted, jargon laden, politically driven Dementor that absolutely sucked the joy out of my life. (you Harry Potter fans just got an image in your mind, didn't you?)

I was offered the job in late September - in between moves.

I left the classroom two weeks later. (PS. Teachers don't give two weeks. They retire, don't come back the next year, or die at their desks. Two weeks notice just is not done in education!)

My heart broke to say goodbye to the women who were as close to me as family - my rocks, support system, and sisters-in-arms in the trenches with me. But my heart SOARED to think of the new adventure beginning. Scary as it was, I was ready.

I changed! I had joy and optimism! and I was saving a FORTUNE on asprin and stomach meds!

- I am not really summing up, am I? Crap.

Fast forward. The job required Top Secret security clearance. I was very honest in my 32 page questionnaire - super honest. Interim clearance denied. Change.

I was told, "Don't worry - this happens all the time. Just a delay. We will work with you - little jobs here and there." (you know, to make sure I could pay the mortgage on that new house.)

So OK - this gives me time to fix up the new house. Great! So much fun! (By the way - the house looks amazing, if I do say so myself!) The new job is REMOTE - look at my fabulous home office! I am still loving this change (and my Tribe is loving my new jouous attitude!)

Then the in phone call in early 2024 - "Sorry, the clearance process is just taking too long, and we are going to have to rescind your offer." Change - bad change.

Email nine days later - "Your clearance has been approved." FML. Stupid change!

More asprin, more stomach meds, a lot of time in bed with Ben and Jerry.

And then a call. Another company had received my resume, had the same job available, could I start now?

Change.

It has been a month, and the asprin is gone - so are Ben and Jerry. I am learning everything new. New computer systems, new jargon (the military has SO MANY LETTERS), new people, new responsibilities. I am scared and confused and insecure and screwing up,

and HAPPY! My gosh am I HAPPY.

Change.

It's terrifying, leaving everything you know, moving away from the well lit, safe place where you feel comfortable, confident in your abilities, and stable, and jumping into the dark waters of the new and unknown.

But you would never learn how to swim if you didn't take that first plunge.

I will get used to the water.

Hell, it's only change...